Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
