why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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