i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
