Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
