You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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