Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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