Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
