I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
