Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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