I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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