Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
