I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
