you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
