cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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