Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
