I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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