I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
