Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
