I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
