fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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