i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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