Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
