I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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