idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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