Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
