Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
