I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
