i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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