The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
