Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize