yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
