I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize