never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
