I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
