Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
