I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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