I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
