I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
