I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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