my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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