The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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