trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
