umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
