Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize