Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
