with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
