After last night, I could never be a politician.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
