this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
