We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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