I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He did a backflip because drugs
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