I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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