I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
