the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I love you.
Bad choice
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
