none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
