Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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