No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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