SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My pussy is not your playground.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
