Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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