So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
