Can i not drive my cunt home
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
