You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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