It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
