Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
