That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
