Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
