I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
