so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
