You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
