I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
