you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize