Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
