As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
