Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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