Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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