You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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