I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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