I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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