I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
