In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
