What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
