do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
